The beauty of being an independent Celebrant is that when it comes to crafting the wedding rituals for your ceremony, anything goes!
Different cultures have their own marriage traditions. Being respectful of their origins we can weave most rituals into your own bespoke ceremony.
What wedding rituals can I incorporate into my marriage blessing ?
Your wedding can incorporate a blend of traditional and totally off-the-wall whacky influences to create your own bespoke ceremony.
You can opt for religious, non-religious, or in our multi-cultural society you can include rituals from two religions in a mixed faith ceremony.
You can follow along the lines of the well-known declaratory words and contracting words of the register office marriage padded out with your own readings, poems, music and personal vows… or I can write your love story and commitment ceremony as a total one-off without any reference to traditional wording.
Anything goes!
Your vision for your wedding ceremony
In our initial chats, we will discuss your vision for your wedding ceremony and one of my questions will be whether you wish to include any rituals. Which ones encompass your vision of a perfect wedding ceremony, vow renewal or elopement?
Have a little read of some of the better known ones, explained below.
My top ten wedding rituals for your ceremony in Spain
1. Ring exchange
Did you know that it is not a legal requirement to exchange rings?
Yes, the exchanging of rings is totally optional! So when you contract your legal marriage with your registrar or at the courthouse, please know that you don’t have to swap wedding bands. You can save that element and do it for the first time at your altar space here at your symbolic wedding here in Spain…. if you want to of course!
Why do we exchange wedding rings?
A ring is a perfect circle symbolising your never ending love. Most often made of a precious metal symbolising purity, a ring is a visual recognition that you are committed to someone else and is the most popular of all of the marriage rituals.
Wording depends on whether you choose religious content or secular (non-religious), modern, humanist vows, poems or readings. I will suggest something I think is appropriate when I write your draft script.
Funny story: at the very first wedding that I ever officiated back in 2005, the groom was a butcher and had such enormous fingers, and regularly put his hands into such strange slimy places, that a wedding ring simply wasn’t practical! So he and his bride exchanged wedding watches instead.
I have since had couples exchange matching wedding bracelets – still a circle without end retaining the same symbolism.
The favourite wedding ritual of all is the ring exchange!
2. Warming of the Rings
Why have a ring warming ceremony?
The warming of the rings ritual is probably the best way to include every single guest in your wedding ceremony!
The idea is to pass the couple’s rings among their guests prior to the ring exchange ceremony. Each guest says a silent word of blessing or good wishes and channels their positive energy into the precious metal before passing the wedding bands on to the next guest.
Ring warming photo by Albert Pamies
Passing wedding rings along a cord
Another option of the ring warming ceremony is for the wedding rings to be passed along a length of cord BUT with more than a handful of guests handling the ring along the cord, frankly this version can get a bit messy! So I strongly suggest limiting the cord to your VIP guests on the front row…. then, in a combination of rituals, you can use the same cord in a second, red thread of destiny ritual – or “hilo rojo” as we call it here in Spain (see below)
Top tip: During both versions of the ring warming ceremony the wedding bands are passed to each of your guests in turn, so that everyone touches the rings which are warmed with the positive energy from all present – but this can take a while!
My top tip for a successful ring warming ritual is to have something else happening at the same time – usually a guest can come up and do a reading or your wedding singer or musician can play a “period of reflection” song so nobody gets bored!
Ring warming ceremony with a cord
3. “Hilo Rojo” or Red Thread of Destiny ritual
What is the symbolism of a Red Thread of Destiny ritual?
This is the beautiful symbolic ceremony that ties the little fingers of the couple together via a long red thread. The Red Thread of Destiny perfectly symbolises the journey to the altar of two people whose paths may have crossed before but it was not yet the right time for them to be together – but some undefinable something ultimately drew them to each other once more…. and here they now stand at their altar space!
As the ulnar artery in the little finger was said to connect directly to the heart, so Japanese legend says that two people destined to meet and be together are for ever connected by an invisible red thread.
“An invisible red thread connecting those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstances. The thread can be stretched or contracted, but never break ”
Read about the Red Thread of Destiny ritual in more detail here
What a beautiful symbolic ritual to weave into your ceremony script – you might also like to combine it with a ring warming ceremony – see #2
Takeaway: I will gift you the red thread finished with little charms to keep as a memento
Red Thread of Destiny Ceremony in Spain is called Hilo Rojo
4. Sand blending ritual – perfect for families!
What makes the sand blending ritual family friendly?
The pouring of (usually) two different coloured sands into a vessel* symbolises the blending of two separate beings into one inseparable unit. Just as you cannot separate the blended sand, so you cannot divide the married couple and the new family that they have become.
Option 1: you can also blend sand from two or more different locations that are special to you.
Option 2: you can buy some lovely sand ceremony frames on Amazon and Etsy to create a sand wave picture instead of the unity bowl*
If you are also making a commitment to your CHILDREN at your wedding ceremony, you might like to have additional bottles of sand, so they too can choose a colour, pour it into the bowl and stir it all up to mix the colours. Smaller kids might even like to get their HANDS into the bowl to mix up all the colours.
Who doesn’t LOVE playing with sand hey?!
*Takeaway: if you use my unity bowl, then after the wedding I will gift each of you a little glass phial of mixed coloured sand as a special memento of your ceremony here in Spain.
Sand blending – ceremonia de arena en boda simbolica con Celebrant Spain
5. Hand Fasting or hand tying ritual
Where does handfasting originate from?
Handfasting or hand tying is another of the most popular rituals in modern times and is the origin of the phrases: “Bonds of Matrimony” and “To Tie the Knot”, meaning to get married.
This Celtic tradition uses cloth, ribbons or cords to bind the couples wrists together with an infinity knot to signify their never ending unity.
Top tip: You don’t have to use ribbons or cords, I have bound couples wrists together with climbing ropes, dog leads, flags and even the hems off the couple’s mums’ wedding dresses!
Takeaway: whatever you choose to bind together your past, present and future influences, you obviously get to keep your tied knot as a beautiful wedding memento.
Handfasting ceremony to tie the knot
Hand fasting as a family unity ceremony
Why stop at two or three ribbons when you can have as many as you want! Invite family members to each come up and lay a ribbon over your joined wrists and let me symbolically unify the family with one infinity knot at your hand tying ceremony.
This beautiful photo by Demi Stocks is a 60th Wedding Anniversary Vow Renewal Ceremony that had every single person in happy tears as four generations of the family laid silver and gold ribbons over the joined hands of the octaganerian bride and groom.
Read all about it here
Family handfasting photo by Demi Stocks
6. Spanish Arras Coin ritual
Traditionally, in the Arras ceremony thirteen coins are poured by one partner into the other’s hands and then back again, to symbolise their commitment to provide for each other in every way – emotionally, physically and financially. Religious Catholic arras coins may be minted in the name of a significant Saint.
Modern couples may prefer to present 13 non-religious arras coins minted with an infinty symbol on one side and a different word of commitment on the other side such as friendship, honesty or faithfulness – the final coin being jointly presented in the name of love.
Look on Amazon or Etsy for non religious arras coins – they are available in different sizes, metals, languages and designs.
Takeway: Being in Spain, this is a personal favourite ceremony of mine and if you would like to make it even more special, I would be delighted to perform it in Spanish for you…. and you obviously get to keep your coins, perhaps to even pass on to the next generation as an heirloom?
Spanish arras coin photo Michal Carbol
7. Rose exchange ritual
In this ritual the couple either exchange roses to symbolise the giving and receiving of love (a beautiful tradition to continue on future anniversaries) – or the couple offer a single rose to a respected female member of their family to represent the merging of the new family unit.
Should you hit hard times and words fail you during your marriage, simply leave a rose on your partner’s pillow to say, “Remember our wedding day. I still love you as much as I did then. Let’s work this out.”.
Top tip: a variation is to exchange rose plants to grow in your garden and for ever more be a special place where you can reconnect with each other and remember the vows you made.
8. Jumping the broom
Another Celtic ritual that shares its roots in African and Caribbean marriage traditions is where the couple hold hands and literally jump together over the broom to symbolise sweeping away the past and a leap of faith into a new life together.
Jumping the broom photo Michal Carbol
9. Wine box time capsule
This beautiful ritual is trending! Watch this wine box ceremony video
- Write each other a love letter which you exchange at the altar (sometimes in place of saying your vows) and place unread, into the ceremonial wine box
- Collect mementos from your wedding eg confetti, a bloom from your bouquet, a wedding invitation, reception place name etc and place these into the box
- Make sure there is a rather nice bottle of wine in the box as well!
On your first wedding anniversary (your paper anniversary) open the box, drink the wine and read the love letters.
You may even like to create your own wedding anniversary tradition by writing a new love letter to be read each year – keeping past love letters as a true life record of your marrital journey.
10. Unity Candle ceremony
Whilst candle lighting is a beautiful ceremony with many possible symbolisms in my humble opinion it is fraught with potential disappointment so it ONLY makes it into my top ten with the caveat that you use battery powered candles!
What does lighting a candle at a wedding symbolise?
Some couples ask to light a candle in memory of a loved one who cannot attend the wedding ceremony
Other couples choose to light three wicks as a symbol of family unity – either two smaller candles and one large one or one big candle with three wicks.
Here in Spain when a baby is born we say “dar luz” which means the mother “gives light” to the child, so it is often the two mothers of the wedding couple who are invited to come up and light the first two candles…. with the couple jointly lighting the third.
What can go wrong at a candle lighting ceremony with a live flame?
Because 99% of my wedding ceremonies are officiated out of doors even the slightest breeze can make lighting the candles rather tricky even if you use an electric camping lighter.
In summer there is a very real chance of wildfires here in southern Spain, so live flames are avoided whenever possible – and all lit candles MUST be covered by a lantern.
Note: There was a recent horrific incident when a guest’s outfit caught the flame of a decorative floor candle and the person was badly burned as a result.
Battery powered beach candle lighting
Heartbeat ceremony
This requires everyone to hold hands with one of the bridal couple at either end.
On a heartbeat, one of the bridal couple squeezes the hand of the person next to them , who squeezes the next person’s hand until the pulse of the heartbeat passes through everybody and back to the bridal couple symbolising them as one.
Sri Lankan Oil Lamp ceremony
Similar to the Unity Candle ceremony, an oil lamp is lit by a significant member of each family which jointly lights a third oil lamp for the couple (in Sri Lanka it may be one ceremonial oil lamp with three wicks)
Wine blending ritual
Often two different wines are shared – a red and a white, or a sweet and a bitter wine. The wine ceremony symbolises unity throughout the ups and downs of marriage.
Variations of this ceremony include the couple drinking from the same glass, drinking from their own glass whilst linking arms and blending two different wines and drinking the blend.
Why not create your own cocktail and have a totally unique blend of ingredients named in your honour that guests can order during your reception celebrations.
Bell of Truce
This Irish tradition requires each of the couple to ring a handbell which is then presented to them as a reminder of the promises they have made at their wedding ceremony.
If they ever exchange harsh words, the bell can be rung as a reminder to stop, listen, reflect and love each other.
African taste ceremony
In this ancient tradition the couple taste four elements symbolising the contrasts they will face in their marriage and their willingness to enjoy the bitter with the sweet.
Lemon (sour); Vinegar (bitter); Pepper (hot); Honey (sweet)
Stone ceremony
A favourite ceremony for beach weddings which involves everyone.
On arrival each person is given a small smooth pebble and a pen with which to write one word as a blessing, wish or sentiment to the couple. The stones are placed in a large bowl and read out.
Top tip: Swap pebbles for little wooden discs – they are much lighter to carry home!
Glass breaking
At the end of some Jewish influenced wedding ceremonies I have been asked to include the glass breaking ritual. The shout of “Mazel tov” (meaning “good luck” or “congratulations”) accompanies the shattering of the glass which symbolises the fragility of marriage.
Post ceremony, breaking bread or cutting the cake
Can you suggest a ritual for after the ceremony?
In eastern European cultures breaking bread over the couple’s head is similar to the Spanish arras in that it symbolizes unity, prosperity, and the couple’s promise to provide for each.
…and finally, did you know that the Roman custom of breaking bread over the bride’s head for good luck, actually evolved into the modern wedding cake-cutting ceremony we have today?!
Photo of Debbie Skyrme, Juanma Segura
About the author: Debbie Skyrme is “Celebrant Spain”. Helping your elopement, vow renewal or wedding ceremony dreams come true in the Spanish sunshine by officiating personally crafted ceremonies.
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